Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
