Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
this hospital has no fireball
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
