I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My first STD was from a foam party
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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