Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
