do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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