Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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