Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
