So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
