We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
