Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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