its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
