hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
