dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
