sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize