At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
