just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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