did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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