Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
