what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
