My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
