She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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