dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
