He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
