I seem to have left my pride at pride
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
