My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
