My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
