Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ketchup is God's man juice
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
