i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
