he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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