This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
