So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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