whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
