try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
