would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you would pick up someone in the library
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
