so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
