She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
