In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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