i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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