There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
