$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize