Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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