I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
