It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
areolas are like halos for boobs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize