I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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