Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
