chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
