There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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