I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
