My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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