My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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