not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
