Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
