I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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