I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
only you would photoshop your dick
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
