when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
