I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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