just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize