Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize