why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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