Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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