haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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