I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
