I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
