I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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