oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize