hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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