just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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