this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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