I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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