New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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