she told me i tasted like america
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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