your parents love me but you hate me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
