i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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