I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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