so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
