you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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