You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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