ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My vagina just clenched in fear
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
