Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
