the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
