Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
