he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
