sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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