i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize